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The lukewarm beef croquette

Belonging

He walks out of the coffee shop. I don’t think the boy in the beige parka jacket isn’t more than 25 years old.

On his face, you can read the mishmash of freshness – because he’s still young – and tired eyes because of the long nights out, alcohol, and probably weed. He looks around a bit skittish, and then leans over to the security guard standing in front of the coffee shop door.

“Ah, just one ciggy with you, John,” the boy says extra cheerfully. “That’s tradition.”

“That’s true,” the security guard mutters, taking his smokes out of this jacket. The security guard is somewhere around the age of 55. A quiet man in his usual black suit with the silver V pin, who apparently doesn’t value this “tradition” as much, but who does play along with the boy.

The security guard offers the boy a cigarette from his own package and together they chat about how busy it is and how tough things are. The nervous kid relaxes visibly, laughing loudly at the older security guard’s remarks.

Feeling at home in the dire cold, at 00:30 at night on the doorsteps of a coffee shop.

“Belonging,” we all want that. One of the first human needs that we often don’t express. Because we’re tough and independent and stuff.

But something we do all need and crave.

“Belonging” is expressed in small rituals: sharing a cigarette, the banter jokes at the coffee corner, using the same strange terms, abbreviations, and all kinds of other business stuff.

And sometimes it just doesn’t work that well, belonging together. Then you’ve lost it for a moment.

A few years ago, there was a very relatable advertisement from, I think, Randstad or something. It said: Do those stupid jokes at the coffee corner and the lukewarm beef croquettes in the canteen suddenly annoy you? Maybe it’s time to leave…

Sometimes that’s true, then it’s time to say goodbye. And sometimes not at all!

Are you in one of those moments of just not feeling like having lukewarm beef croquettes, but is saying goodbye a bridge too far? Are you curious about what else could possibly be different in your team? Then go have someone conduct a good team analysis. Take a look here: https://www.deteamcoach.nl/analyse-advies/

If you make sure there are lukewarm beef croquettes and silly jokes, I’d be happy to drop by for a preliminary exploratory talk, without any fuss, without an invoice.

Red lipstick

Coordinate

I saw her sitting behind the wheel with her long, blond hair. She leaned in a bit and seemed to gently move along with something. Her perfectly made-up face with red lips looked delighted at the cars in front of her.

Cars creeping forward towards the exit.

Cars I saw as big, chunky obstacles on my way to my destination.

But not her! The big red lips slowly parted, forming words.

She didn’t have any earpieces in. She didn’t have that stressed frown on her face so many people can have when they need to make a quick phone call while they’re in the car.

She seemed happy. She had a big smile on her face and sometimes she’d close her eyes for just a brief moment, as if she was drawing from something that was fluttering in her belly.

I turned on the radio Toyed with my pre-programmed buttons. And suddenly I heard it: “When the sun goes down and the band won’t play… I’ll always remember us this way.”

The words those red lips next to me so carefully formed came from the radio. I could almost literally read the intensity of the music in the softly, squinted eyes and delighted smile of the blondie in the car next to me. And I could feel her joy when I started singing along with Lady Gaga.

Tuning in. That’s what it does. A connection so you can feel, taste, understand what the other means. It’s so much more than just the word. And sometimes we’re so completely lost. We don’t understand a thing the other person’s red lips are saying.

Do you want to work on tuning in with your team again? Do you want to see those red lips again instead of just a line-up of cars? Have you lost the ability to really listen to each other? Call me on 06-41335607 and I’ll be happy to visit, without any hassle, without an invoice, and of course with beautiful red lips! For more information, go to https://www.deteamcoach.nl/teamcoaching/

Broken expectations

Conflicts

“Fifteen years ago, that twat broke my teapot. And that teapot meant so much to me. She knew that.” Gertrude’s arms are folded and she spits the words out, red with anger, while facing the camera.

“Gee,” Bert van Leeuwen of the Dutch TV show Het Familiediner replies. “And she didn’t say sorry?” He looks at Gertrude questioningly and closes his eyes slightly as an understanding gesture.

“No, not really,” Gertrude continues. “A card, that was all. But if she was really sorry yeah, if she was really sorry, then she’d come here and say it straight to my face. She’s my very own sister, yeah. And she tries to away with a card.”

The large, dark brown pit bull in the background still growls at Bert’s calves.

“Oh well, right to your face… yes, that’s strange that she didn’t do that,” Bert says, keeping an eye on the dog behind his owner, staring at Bert with big, dark eyes.

It might be some strange professional abnormality, but I always really enjoy watching Het Familiediner. It’s where families settle their cold wars after Bert’s limo picked them up.

For no good reason, that’s why they’re fighting. A birthday card that never arrived. A misunderstanding about the other person’s wife.

All kinds of assumptions fly around. “Yes, he did that because he thinks that we’re not good enough.”
“Did they say that?” Bert then asks. “No, they didn’t, but we just know.”

Weird huh? Or not?

This morning I sat with some MT members who had been in conflict with each other for quite a while. I talked to them separately first.

For hours, people can tell me what has gone wrong over the past years. And believe me, they do. Sometimes I think: “I think I should just turn on a tape recorder at one party and play it to the other party, and vice versa….”

And then comes the moment I can ask my key question……….

“Have you ever talked to each other about this?”

Guess what’s almost always the answer….

Scary, huh? To talk to someone about stuff like that? Sure thing! But you don’t want to end up as Gertrude with her pit bull, do you?

Do you have the balls to start that conversation with that one colleague you simply can’t get along with and would you rather do that with your own “Bert” instead of alone? Call me on 06-41335607 or send me an email at info@deteamcoach.nl. And I’ll drop by for a preliminary conversation, without any hassle, without an invoice.

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I spy with my little eye something which is… GREEN

Coordinate, Conflicts

“I spy with my little eye something which is.. GREEN’ EN Mijn zoontje gilt de kleur vanaf de achterbank door de auto. EN Het woordje “groen” krijgt nog een extra lange uithaal mee zodat ik niet per ongeluk gele dingen ga opnoemen.
‘De bomen,’ zeg ik vol zelfvertrouwen.
‘Nee’
‘Het gras?’ vraag ik vervolgens.
‘Nee’
‘De heg?’
‘Nee, mama, het is moeilijk!’
‘Nou dat merk ik ja. Is het dan misschien dit knopje?’ wijs ik naar een knopje op het dashbord.
‘Nee, het is buiten de auto.’ Gelukkig is mijn zoontje nog niet te beroerd om nog even te helpen.
‘De bladeren?’ vraag ik, ondertussen de omgeving scannend naar nog meer groene dingen.
‘Nee, zal ik het zeggen?’
‘Nee nog even proberen hoor. De vijver?’ We rijden ondertussen langs een behoorlijk groene vijver, dus het zou kunnen.
‘Neeheee mam, ik ga het zeggen hoor. Het is de auto voor ons.’
‘O, eh ja, dat is waar ook,’ zeg ik een tikje beschaamd. Al 20 minuten pal voor mijn neus en helemaal niet gezien.

Sinds een aantal maanden doen we dit spelletje in de auto, tussen het luisteren naar alle 40 cd’s van Kinderen voor Kinderen door. Krijg ik gelukkig ook nog eens iets anders te horen dan de ‘Kanga, de Hupsakee en Onbewoond Eiland’

En elke keer verbaas ik me weer hoe leuk dit simpele spelletje eigenlijk is.

Mits je bereid bent om echt te willen raden wat de ander ziet natuurlijk.

Als ik alleen maar wil raden wat ik zelf al had gezien in de kleur groen, dan is er niks aan, aan dat hele spelletje niet.
En toch is dat wat we heel vaak in de werkprakijk wel doen. Alleen maar willen zien wat we al hadden gezien. Een beetje Trump en Biden in het klein zeg maar. Onze drang naar gelijk willen hebben is vaak sterker dan alternatieven willen horen.

In ieder geval ben ik heel blij met dat manneke van vier op de achterbank. Die gillend over de kleur GROEN mij laat zien dat er nog zoveel meer kleuren groen zijn dan ik dacht 🙂

Kunnen jullie in jullie team wel eens zo’n manneke op de achterbank gebruiken? Die helpt om met elkaar meer te zien dan JOUW groen of MIJN groen?

Bel me gerust op 06-41335607 of mail me op info@deteamcoach.nl Ik kijk graag mee naar alle kleuren van de regenboog in jullie team, zonder factuur, zonder gedoe. Maar wel met zo’n kleurenwaaier van de Gamma natuurlijk.

Trouwens hier nog even een supermooi voorbeeld van bovenstaande uit de Oudejaarsconference van Marc Marie Huijbregts 2018: https://youtu.be/_jACmgEqQeQ